PHOTOS & VIDEO: STALLION, UBU ROI @ CHOP SUEY, SEATTLE, WA. 7/30/15

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'D LIKE TO DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO THE CENTER RING, A.K.A THE DEN AT SEATTLE'S ONE AND ONLY CHOP SUEY! ON THE NIGHT OF 30TH OF JULY IN THE YEAR 2015, A MOMENTOUS DATE IN THE HISTORY OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, AN EPIC SHOWDOWN MANIFESTED ITSELF IN THE FORM OF A ROCK N' ROLL BATTLE STARRING YOUTHFUL GARAGE BRATS UBU ROI AND LEGENDARY WORLD CHAMPION WRESTLING PUNKS, STALLION! THESE FEROCIOUS FREAKS GAVE THEIR ALL TO RAISE FUNDS FOR PIZZA FEST 2015, THE GREATEST PIZZA-EATING PUNK FESTIVAL OF ALL TIME, HAPPENING THIS WEEK! HERE'S THE LOW-DOWN IN TWO ROUNDS!

The pop paparazzi was out in force as fans crowded around Stallion's classic white Mercedes-Benz, hoping for a quick glance at Hollywood Capponi, Luscious Luke, and Mr Dynamite Lance Strongarm as they entered the building, all swagger and strut, followed by glamorous Towel Girls Sunny Dee and Choo Choo. I've heard rumors that some members of local combo SSDD may have been indulging in a game of street dice at this time, but no one's copping to it.

 

(thank you Kitty Page for the arrival video!)

UBU ROI opened the show with a blast of RAGING BULL TESTOSTERONE that soaked the crowd in glorious sweaty triumph. The band gamely braved torrential heckling from members of STALLION, plotting revenge for Round Two!

UBU ROI, Chop Suey, Seattle 7/30/15 Flickr set

The gauntlet was thrown down HARD as Stallion took the stage for their debut gig, posing and trash-talking the whole time. They proceeded to DESTROY ALL LIVING BEINGS with songs about crushing opponents off the top rope and the importance of "Tag Team Action," my new favorite song. "Tag Team Action" was so important that Stallion both opened and closed their set with it. 

Then, out of nowhere, a flying flash! One of the members of UBU ROI launched himself from the crowd, taking down Luscious Luke in one go, as the crowd gasped and shouted! Fortunately, LL regained his footing and vowed to forever rule over all opponents! LONG LIVE STALLION!

STALLION, Chop Suey, Seattle, WA. 7/30/15 Flickr set

Remember, BUY YOUR TICKETS TO PIZZA FEST RIGHT NOW FOR ONLY A MEASLY 30 BONES FOR ALL THREE DAYS, and I'll see you there, August 6-8!