and "A Charlie Brown Christmas")
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{Lauren Mikus enters.}
Lauren: I’ve been looking for you, Lars. Will you please write a lyric for me? You write it, and I’ll tell you what I want to say.
{Lars takes pen, clipboard from Lauren}
Lars: Okay, shoot.
Lauren: I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of lyrics that I want.
Lars: (sighs) Oh, brother.
Lauren: Please note the obscurity ratio and rhyme of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just try "moon" and "June."
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Bakersfield Moonlighter Lauren Marie Mikus duets with Lars in "Born Shopping," nicely channeling the B-52's and including the very very Seattle lyric, "I get excited/when I'm invited/but it is rare/I show up there."
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Ty: Look, let’s face it. We all know that music is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, ya know.
Lars: Well, this is one album that’s not going to be commercial. What it needs is the proper mood. We need a fuzz box.
{Ty claps with excitement.}
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"Isle of Lucy" takes the fuzz, compresses it until it's metal flakes on buttered toast, and serves it up searing hot. In this song, Finberg answers the ultimate in existential questioning with, "That's all there is/that's all there was/set fire to Eden/just 'cause."
Pantophobia gets its own ode in "Benevolent Panic," a chugging, '70s-glam rocker overflowing with distorted guitar and snaky saxophone.
Our friend from The Intelligence, Mr. Machine, returns to take his first vocal run on the supremely-odd "Myopic Blue Heaven" in multi-layers of vocoder so thick you definitely need the lyric sheet. In the end, I think Mr. Machine floats off the planet, and really, who could blame him these days?
It's a measure of Finberg's musical slyness that the boppy "Empty Network," a scathing rebuke of the American medical insurance system, opens with the suggestion of sirens, and segues into "Iffy Love" with the rapid beeps of a medical device alert.
Anyone who's been though a horror-show romantic breakup (or several of them) can relate to "Iffy Love," where grief and anger are drowned in bottles of wine and hope anchored to the bottom of the ocean with cement soul-blocks. Yet time always does its thing: "But now there are cracks/where the light might react/Iffy love get your/gardening gloves." Shana Cleveland of La Luz drops in a sweet guitar solo and vocals here.
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{Lars and Kaanan end up at Going Underground record store in Bakersfield. Go to vinyl section in the "F" section, in a simple wooden rack, finding a copy of "Moonlight Over Bakersfield."}
Kaanan: Gee, I didn’t know they still made the vinyls.
Lars: This one seems to need a home.
Kaanan: I don’t know, remember what the kids said? This doesn’t seem to fit the modern spirit, what with Spotify and all.
Lars: I don’t care! We’ll play it, and it will be just right. Besides, I think it needs me.
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Kaanan takes a break and The Melvins' Coady Willis takes over on drums on the galloping "I'm Welcome" (and later on "Alone Alas"). Wiggly synth descending notes lead into a a burst of ROCK, panic meets privilege and can only say, "no."
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{Lars and Kaanan return to the Finberg home, place album on record player.}
Lars: We’re back!
{Bakersfield locals and Los Angeles-based VIPs gather around record player.}
Famous Music Journalist: Boy, are you stupid, Lars Finberg. You were supposed to send Dropbox links. Can’t you even tell a piece of plastic from an MP3?
Former High School Classmate: (sighs) You’re hopeless, Lars Finberg.
{All laugh, exit.}
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I hadn't ever thought about the concept of "Ambiverts" until I heard this song: the idea that one can be neither an extrovert nor an introvert, but both! Finberg seems to struggle with it a bit, but I think it's pretty ideal, actually.
Charlie Brown, err...Lars, I mean, ends "Moonlight Over Bakersfield" in a desolate hellscape of his own making, filled with burning tires, frying wires, and self-loathing regrets in "Alone Alas," vocals echoing into the "great unknown." Yet, somehow, the level of self-awareness seems to hint at a chance for redemption, as the song loops and lopes to conclusion.
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{Lars is alone by the record player. Kaanan approaches.}
Lars: I guess you were right Kaanan; I shouldn’t have picked this record. Everything I do turns into a disaster. I guess I don’t really know what Album Release Day is about. Isn’t there anyone who understands what Album Release Day is all about?
Kaanan: Sure, I can tell you what Album Release Day is all about.
{Kaanan goes to center stage, spotlight.}
Kaanan: “And there were in the same country, music fans abiding in the field, keeping watch over their records by night. And lo, the Sacred Album Reviewer came upon them, and the glory of the Musical Descriptive Adjectives shone round about them, and they were sore afraid. And the Reviewer said unto them, ‘Fear not, for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For unto you is released this day in the city of Bakersfield and worldwide an album, which is super cool. And this shall be a sign unto you. Ye shall find the record wrapped in a neat cover resting in the record store, or easily purchased from a digital music service.’ And suddenly, there was with the Reviewer a multitude of Reviewers, praising The Album and saying, ‘Glory to music in the highest, and on Earth peace or some semblance of peace, good will toward men, women, and non-binary gendered.’”
{Kaanan picks up his drumsticks, walks back to record player.}
Kaanan: That’s what Album Release Day is all about, Lars Finberg.
{Silence. Lars picks up his album, smiles. Walks outside, stares at sky.}
Everyone: Merry Album Release Day, Lars Finberg!