EDITORIAL

As much as I bitch at her about it, sometimes I am glad that my mother is a pack rat. She recently sent me a package containing some of my long-lost artifacts, such as my birth certificate with my little newborn footprints smashed upon it, an article from The Denver Post about Paul McCartney with a little Beatle story I had to tell (complete with a large picture of me with the most owl-like glasses, which is just a damn fine look with my very round nose, god), and this, something I composed for Mrs. Durnford's journalism class at age nine.

It is, of course, handwritten in loopy sloppy girl-cursive on wide lined paper, with eraser smudges and -- gasp! -- a spelling mistake. I read it now, and I know exactly what I did here: copped the first paragraph pretty much from the World Book Encyclopedia, and made the second paragraph smarmy and unctuous enough to seem like I was sincere. Not even in the double-digits yet and I am trying to scam a grade, ha ha. Here it is, typed as is, from that December:

Editorial

Two aspects of Christmas are of the greatest importance to Christians everywhere. They feel reverence for the momentous event that took place nearly 2,000 years ago. Christmas is the happiest and busiest time of year for millions of Christians all over the world. They observe the holiday with religious ceremonies and prayer. Many persons look forward to happy family parties and exchanging gifts. Christians everywhere unite in their feelings of joy on Christ's birthday.

Really, isn't it a lot nicer giving gifts than reciving gifts? Isn't it wonderful when you see the joy on someone's face when you give them a gift on Christmas morn? The words that describe Christmas best are sharing and thankful.

by Marianne

EWWWWW. Shame on me for telling a teacher what I thought they wanted to hear instead of what I really thought, which would've been more like this:

Editorial

I can't say I care too much about what Christians think is important at Christmastime, because I am 99% SURE there is no God and no Jesus. Nobody knows what happened 2,000 years ago, I don't, you don't, so why make stuff up? I don't get it. But if I say anything like that aloud, I will be SOL on the Christmas gifts and people will think I am terrible and bad and unruly and going to Hell, which I don't believe in either. There's only so much a nine-year-old can deal with, you know.

It is nice giving gifts, don't get me wrong. I like getting things for my family, and I try really hard to get them things they will like. But come on, Christmas is really just all about ME and MY PRESENTS. That is a WHOLE lot nicer. ME. ME ME ME ME ME ME. I put lots more effort into circling items from the Sears Wishbook than anything I do for anyone else. So, I guess I am grateful to Jesus, whoever he was, because I can get some really cool stuff once a year. And, I apologize to everyone for using the word "morn." What kid says "morn??" Oh, and I really, really like Christmas cookies, so thanks Jesus for that because people like to eat yummy stuff in his honor too.

by Marianne

My mother saved that piece because she thought it was so nice. Sigh. I won't tell her any differently at this point. That's WJWD.