BLOTTER

With all the big nasty issues going on in the world, headlines screaming about nuclear tests and rioting in Iran and an unstoppable flu pandemic and such, one forgets about the average, everyday, petty criminal. Not me, though. I love ‘em, just as long as they don’t bother me. There is nothing I enjoy more than picking up a small-town newspaper and reading the weekly Police Blotter. It gives you a feel for some of the work that police departments have to deal with out there in the hinterlands. So today, I bring you a hand-picked sampling of some of the recent delightful public police reports from around where I grew up in rural Wisconsin, courtesy the local newsgroup represented at http://www.livinglakecountry.com/. Italics and bold for added for emphasis. Enjoy!

FASCINATING CRIMES DEPARTMENT:

Disorderly conduct – A 16-year-old Pewaukee boy and a 16-year-old Delafield boy were both cited for disorderly conduct May 21 after they threw tennis balls at a teacher at North Shore Middle School while wearing Scream and stormtrooper masks.

According to the police report, the teacher was leaving North Shore Middle School, 800 E. North Shore Drive, at about 4:17 p.m. May 21. When she got to her vehicle, she was hit in the side of the face by a tennis ball, and when she turned to look, she was hit in the buttocks area by two juveniles wearing masks, the report stated. While an officer and Waukesha County Sheriff's Department deputy were checking the surrounding area, they were given the name of an individual thought to be associated with the incident. Officers responded to the boy's home and the found both teens, who admitted to throwing the tennis balls.

Burglary – Someone slashed tires on a truck parked outside 746 Normandy Circle and stole a pillow from the residence early May 8.

According to the report, Shane Devalk was sleeping in the basement of the residence and at about 2 a.m. someone opened a basement window and removed a pillow which was being used as a window shade. Devalk did not see anyone but did hear a vehicle leave the area as it accelerated at a high speed. In the morning, the vandalism to the tires was discovered.

Vandalism – Police are investigating a rash of incidents in which windows have been damaged by marbles.

According to the reports:

Maggie Tweet of 1148 Mary Hill Circle reported April 2 that a garage window was damaged and a marble was found nearby. Damage was estimated at $200.

A marble was found near the Gary Gurrath residence, where a front window was reported damaged April 1. Damage was estimated at $200.

Claudia Millot of 511 E.. Capitol Drive, reported April 1 that a front window at her residence was damaged. A marble was also found near that residence. Damage was estimated at $100.

Battery – A 16-year-old boy told Waukesha County Sheriff's deputies he called around 3:15 a.m. May 12 that he had just been punched in the face by a man lurking near his house on White Pine Drive.

He told police he was sitting on his patio smoking a cigarette when he saw someone standing around the nearby tree line, the deputies' report said. He said he walked toward the man and asked him, "Can I help you?" When the man didn't respond the teenager asked the man to leave. That was when the man punched him in the face, then fled down Woodland Oaks Drive.

The boy did not need medical attention, the police report said. The Sheriff's Department is still investigating the incident.

Break-in – Someone broke into a barn at N68 W25424 Silver Spring Road on June 1, but didn't take anything, according to the owner, Mahal Rankin, 78, though she did find three vinyl LP records (in their sleeves) strewn on the ground at about 8 that evening, which alerted her to the break-in.

Theft – Someone stole two packs of cigarettes from an unlocked truck at the Timothy Wein residence, N50 W35283 Wisconsin Ave., sometime late April 21 or early April 22.

DUMBASS PEOPLE:

Theft – Aaron Wigman, 27, reported the theft of his $400 X-box 300 on May 23, the morning after he and his girlfriend invited three people they had just met at the Tailgaters tavern over to his apartment at N62 W23400 Silver Spring Road.

Wigman told Waukesha County Sheriff's deputies that the couple had invited the three over after the bar closed at about 2:30 that morning, according to the deputies' report. Wigman said he didn't know their names.

Criminal trespass – A couple reported two odd incidents involving their vehicle that took place between April 28 and May 19.

According to the police report, on April 28, Miny Wu, 702 Browning Circle, was attempting to leave his home, but his vehicle would not start. In checking, he found the anti-theft protections had been activated and under the hood found the positive battery post connection bracket had been bent. He was able to reset the code and start the vehicle with no problem.

On May 18, as he was cleaning and vacuuming his vehicle, he found a brass money clip that held a Wisconsin Drivers License, a debit card, and Blockbuster card all in the name of a Mark B. Collins. The homeowner said he does not know anyone by that name.

Disorderly – A City of Pewaukee man was charged March 30 with fourth-offense drunken driving after an officer stopped him for squealing the tires on his vehicle in a bar parking lot March 28.

Nigel German, 43, of N50 W27752 Courtland Circle, appeared in Waukesha County Circuit Court on March 30 and cash bond was set at $2,000. German was also cited by police for disorderly conduct as his car was also fishtailing in the parking lot of the bar on Wisconsin Avenue in Okauchee. German is scheduled to appear in court April 24 for a hearing.

Theft – Police cited Justin Burns, 18, of 309 Morris St., for theft for stealing money from a man who was allegedly going to buy marijuana from Burns.

According to the report, another tenant in the apartment building said he met with Burns in the underground parking area of the apartment building May 16 and during the course of the transaction, Burns allegedly grabbed $45 from the man and ran off. The man then contacted police.

On May 19 an officer saw Burns and subsequently cited him for theft.


UNINTENTIONAL LOL TIME:

Possession – A police officer who stopped to assist a motorist in a disabled vehicle March 9 ended up citing the driver, Justin Schween, 18, of Mukwonago, for possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

According to the report, the officer stopped at Poplar Path and Genesee Street at about 1 p.m. for a disabled vehicle. As the officer talked with Schween, the officer noticed the faint odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle. The officer found various paraphernalia in the car as well as 2.1 grams of marijuana.

Theft – Police cited a 17-year-old Town of Delafield boy for attempting to steal a tin of tobacco from Sentry, 3255 Golf Road, on March 10. Police were called to the store at about 4:30 p.m. for a shoplifter and found that the boy had hidden the tin in the crouch of his pants. The boy was cited for retail theft.

Theft – Police cited Lateasa L. Farmer, 28, of Chicago, Ill., for retail theft after she attempted to steal merchandise from Kohl's, 3105 Golf Road, March 13. What type of items or a value amount was not available. (Hey, if she married Justin from Mukwonago, she'd be Lateasa L. Schween! BAHAHA!)

And finally, my favorite:

Disorderly – Police cited two teens for disorderly conduct for urinating in public April 20. According to the police report, Alex Jans, 18, of the City of Oconomowoc, and a 17-year-old City of Oconomowoc boy were caught urinating near Aquatic World, W359 N8790 Highway P, at about 4:20 p.m. The teens were also cited for trespassing.

Shouldn’t that be trespissing? HAHAHAHAHAH!