MC CRAPPE

From McDonald's website, describing their new "McCafe" coffee beverages:

McCafe Mochas, Lattes, and Cappuccinos start with McDonald's own unique blend of fresh espresso beans. This results in a high-impact, full-bodied, dark roast coffee with flavor attributes that enhance its complexity, like spicy and earthy tones, and a slight caramel sweetness.

After ingesting a sample-size McCafe Iced Mocha, here is my critical analysis of its components:

1. Water collected from a rusting rain barrel in Mexico City

2. Gasoline

3. 500 lbs. of sugar, cut with plutonium

4. Plastic coffee beans used for display purposes only

5. An extra 500 lbs. of plutonium sugar

6. Cisplatin

7. A slight diabetic-sweat sweetness.