SOWHATCANAPOORBOYDO?

Times is tuff. There is much argument and bitter dissent about how to ameliorate the current economic situation, with no concurrence likely. The Dems and The Repubs (also known as The Bitchers and The Whiners) will just keep going around and around in their circles, as long as we pay them to do just that. In the meantime, there are people – a lot of people – who are in very serious financial straits. There are people who truly want to find work and cannot, or the work they can get is temporary or pays so little that the regular bills still go unpaid. You can stack those jobs up – take two or three or four of them on – but then you don’t sleep and you drive into a phone pole going to your fifth job at 5AM and you die. Some people don’t have a spouse or family or friends to share expenses with, cannot take on the further time and expense of extra schooling/training, and there are no guarantees right now of good work for anyone anyway, regardless of your expertise or intelligence or effort. Two traditional and perennially-popular options in last-ditch money making are: 1. Sell illegal drugs, and/or; 2. Join the military. Let us examine, the DI way.

Not always the province of the skuzzy teenager, college entrepreneur, or urban reprobate, drug trafficking is more common that you think (see the popular Showtime series Weeds). Marijuana sales are probably 90% of the illegal drug trade. I think that is probably correct but I am not going to bother confirming that because I am lazy – totally drug-free lazy, mind you. Considering that the general effect of marijuana is something like combining alcohol and tobacco, two legal drugs, I say alright already, stop being inconsistent with your permission slips, U.S. Government: LEGALIZE POT. Again, I think I am coming from a pretty logical position here. There are a WHOLE DAMN LOT of people in this country who smoke up, and the basic bio outcome of that is that when they do they become silly, dull, relaxed, boring, unmotivated, and hungry, and sometimes arrested. If you say whiskey is OK, there just is no compelling reason not to approve pot, with the proper adult restrictions and substantial misuse penalties, of course.

Think of the jobs that would be created! Instead of Mikey selling Z-grade weed to you for a hefty profit and the chance of unsavory Colombian cartels showing up, Mikey could be working at a clean shiny Pot Shoppe for a regular paycheck. His sister Marva could start up a weed farm in Kentucky with a Small Business Administration loan, his brainy brother Melvin could work in a lab synthesizing and refining the plant to have grades of effect, and his mother Misty could relieve her hideous cancer chemo nausea from buying at the Pot Shoppe, rather than waiting for her state to approve medical marijuana use. We aren’t talking the Faces of Meth population here, folks. Pot use is well-integrated in the normal lives of millions of people here, just like the glass-of-wine-at-dinner crowd or the beers-with-the-game guys. They just hide it a little better. Take the money out of the hands of people who are slimy dangerous creeps, boost our economy tremendously with legalization and regulation, and put the money into the hands of slightly less slimy creeps, a.k.a., us all.

Then there is the military. Sigh. Whenever I hear of some young man or woman joining up these days, I can only think that they are absolutely desperate for money, direction, or both. Despite your political leanings or honest desire to serve your country, the wars we are currently embroiled in overseas are, by nearly all estimates, accounts, and opinions, un-winnable. There will be no U.S. style democracies established, the Taliban won’t be crushed, Osama won’t be caught, we won’t get control of the oil resources, introduce feminism or civil rights, keep any kind of peace, or stop families from joyfully sending their children off to blow themselves up in a crowded hotel lobby. When you join the service today, you are trusting that you are doing something helpful and noble, that you will be given the tools and guidance to achieve goals for the world’s good. That is not happening. You will be underpaid, over-deployed, and not given the equipment you need to survive. It is a terrible risk to take for a feeling of usefulness and focus, and for a check that should be an embarrassment to everyone who expects you to risk your life needlessly for the meager numbers printed on it.

Oh, if there were ways to re-direct our money and our valuable human resources to GETTING OFF FOREIGN OIL. When you stop poking at the hornet’s nest, you just aren’t as likely to keep getting stung, no? Sustainability isn’t just a current buzzword – it is what’s going to keep this country strong and healthy, and our world more stable. Stop wasting our money on pathetic foreign wars no one is willing to actually win, ever. Put it towards something that has a chance, something that is a little more economically- and morally-healthy than a war machine. FOR A CHANGE.

So what can a poor boy do, ‘cept to sing for a rock n' roll band? Well, become politically active in the party of your choice, think positive because that will bring positive solutions instead of ENDLESS BICKERING AND SADNESS, and don’t give up. Let your lawmakers know how you feel, VOTE, and be the change, etc.

I also hear Tuesday Morning is hiring for stock clerks.

The Replacements -- "Goddamn Job/Junior's Got A Gun"