JACKSONFAMILYCOURT

I tell you, Los Angeles. Just dedicate some of your (non-existent) state funds now to cover what will be over the next 10-20 years at least, a revolving door of Michael Jackson-related court cases. Here's tomorrow's.

Pathetic? Hilarious? Consider our cast of players:

Katharine Jackson: Jackson family matriarch, at age 79 taking over custody of her 3 uniquely-created young grandchildren and also wishing to control Michael's estate, valued at millions or billions, also with millions or billion or zillions in outstanding debt. Will die sooner rather than later, causing more massive court filings.

John Branca & John McClain: Lawyer pal and music industry pal, respectively, to the dead Jackson, currently in charge of the estate. (I don't really believe Michael Jackson had any real pals, do you?)

Debbie Rowe: Completely disinterested "mother" of the two oldest Jackson spawn. She prefers horses, but will see the kids if a psychologist makes her. Likely to ask for more estate money for a new saddle.

Joe Jackson: Scumbag. See my previous post -- JOE JACKSON, SCUMBAG.

Dr. Allan Metzger, Dr. Conrad Murray, Dr. I. Kanbebaught: Soon-to-lose-their-licenses-and-maybe-their-personal-freedom-for-a-jail-cell physicians to Jackson. Failure move: accidently killing a guy (don't sue me, bros). Prediction: "I fucked up" defense coming.

The Jackson Siblings: Reddie, Tonto, Jeremiah, Martian, Jaggie, NipSlip, LaNutty, and Randy. Yes, I think that's all of them. They may all want estate money to coordinate the widths of their nose jobs someday.

Prince Michael: Child. No longer has hair dyed blond. May know about his mother and the horses. First in line at maturity to take over the $1.50 left in estate bank account.

Paris Michael: Child. Eyes still adjusting to natural light. May need lessons on how to ride a city bus.

Blanket: Child. Does not know mother or father. May request funds to start hotel balcony bungee jumping company. May also need court-appointed defense for kicking Debbie Rowe in the shin.

I propose that in the certainty of these litigious lunatics sucking up valuable Cali-cash, an underused movie studio should be converted into a courthouse and broadcast rights to "JACKSON FAMILY COURT" sold to the highest media bidder, fully covering the court costs to the State, with perhaps some money left over to provide a jury warm-up comedian on an as-needed basis.

Hoo hoo! Shamon!