CONFESS 3

Oh, brother. Another serial confessor has hit the media yet again, and it's a real extra-special winner this time: class act and toothsome drug addict Mackenzie Phillips.

Known primarily for her role as the not-attractive daughter on the '70s sitcom "One Day At a Time," she is also the daughter of pop-folk music legend and drug addict John Phillips.

Ms. Phillips arranged herself on an Oprah couch this week to pimp her new autobiography, which I will not link here because I don't want you to buy it, and let fly the Shit Bomb of All Time: that she and her father had an incestuous, consensual relationship, morphing from rape.


Let's break this down, shall we? Do I think this allegation is true? I can't say it isn't. The Phillips were never known for boundaries, morals, or common sense. One of John Phillips' ex-wives says no way; another one alludes to delusion as well. But drugs + creeps often equal things most CULTURES KNOWN TO ALL TIME would naturally find completely unacceptable. Did Mackenzie Phillips have a hideous, abusive, neglectful, harmful upbringing? Absolutely. Is rape excusable? Never. Do people make really crappy decisions when addicted to drugs? They sure can. Should victims be vilified? Of course not.

Let's dig further then. I hear lots and lots of excuses in Ms. Phillips tale -- early intro to drugs and promiscuity, zero accountability, Stockholm Syndrome. But not every person with a shitty past and a substance abuse problem goes on to WILLINGLY be involved in an incestuous relationship. There is no excuse. You don't become a horrid person just because you suck up a pile of cocaine.

Let's bottom-line it now. Ms. Phillips claims she is "putting a face" on incest, to help other victims. OK. She seems to care a whole lot more for these strangers than to consider the severe and lifelong impact this diarrheal spew will have on her family. Was her true intent to lessen the shameful burden of fellow father-fellators, or to make a bunch of money because she has burned every bridge in her own career long ago? Why not talk about this years ago? Ohhhhh, because dead men are notoriously-poor respondents, is why. Is Mackenzie's soul repaired now by these public actions? Does lashing out give her the last word, and dime? Ms. Phillips drags her family down with her by going public, likely including some that tried repeatedly over the years to help her, and children that don't deserve in any way to have to respond to this vile crap that they had nothing to do with.

And finally, let's not let misery-profiteer, major narcissist, and food addict Oprah Winfrey off the hook here.

Oh my god, Oprah must have CRAPPED herself in media JOY to score this scoop. It hits all her major personal interests: women as victims, women as incest victims, women as addiction victims, and REDEMPTION though PUBLIC CONFESSION. I'd tell you to get over yourself already, Oprah, but you'd just stuff hundred dollar bills in my mouth and call it a charitable venture. Oprah is ALWAYS about Oprah, and how Oprah can get more attention and more money. Nice score, creep. Way to think about the spurious elements and impact. As usual.

Do I think Mackenzie Phillips is a complete waste? Yup. Do I think John Phillips was an awful, awful human being? Yup. Do I think Oprah is a self-absorbed power-mad weirdo? Yup. Are those my confessions?

Yup.