Alright. Take a big breath and steady yourself. This video, creatively-yet-fairly edited by YouTube person HaggardMikesReviews, is one of the creepier things I've seen, but it brings up some real discussion points, as it's now going viral. These clips are compiled from a Canadian game show called "Just Like Mom" from the '80s, hosted by husband and wife team Fergie Oliver and Catherine Swift (now divorced, uh huh). Mr. Oliver has some serious boundary issues. Watch, and remember to bring your jaw off the floor afterward.
Now, you are going to land in one of two camps here: appalled and disgusted, or aw-no-big-deal-that's-how-things-used-to-be. Overwhelmingly, the former camp is the more popular, according to comments and articles being written about this clip. What we can say for sure is that you just would not see this behavior on any television show now. Anyone who wants to blow it off as harmless is not recognizing it for what it is: intrusive, grossly inappropriate, and bullying, at best. At worst, we are seeing a man who may be getting his sexual jollies from this, and little girls who can't do a damn thing about it. "No" didn't even work.
It's not harmless. Think back. I will bet, whether you are a man or a woman, you can sift through your memory bank and recall the Yucky Hug/Kiss Adult in your own life. That was the guy (although sometimes it was a woman) who would always ask for some kind of physical affection from you upon seeing you, relative or relative stranger to you. Kids are pretty good detectors of Real Creep, and they don't do very well at faking emotion. They know that Yucky Hug/Kiss Adult is not good, like really not good, without being able to say or even know why. But they know. And you knew, didn't you, because you didn't want to give that hug or kiss that went on too close, too long, and made you feel bad. If you start talking about this with people, you will find it is incredibly, sadly common.
Not everything behind every YH/KA was sinister or sexual, surely. But grabbing physical affection or intimacy from a child is wrong. It teaches children that they have no control over their bodies, that saying no isn't going to matter, that adults have the right to tell you what to do in all ways. Other adults can encourage this, unknowingly reinforcing these ideas -- "Be nice to Uncle Joe! What's wrong with you? Give him a kiss right now!" because they recognize the awkwardness yet can't bear to say something or think something they don't really want to think. You cannot assume that a kid can process this as an adult would, like oh, just humor the guy and move on. It is a very different position to be in, and I think it makes children angry, confused, helpless, and sad, although they may keep a polite smile going. Children aren't chattel. All of them deserve our respect and need our protection, and it does us all a bit of good to not be so polite sometimes.
I'd like to think that MissSeven would've kicked Fergie Oliver in the fork, Just Like Mom.
© Copyright 2008- Marianne Spellman