PLANTS AND BIRDS AND ROCKS AND THINGS: NATIONAL MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY

Here are three things I've learned about Washington, D.C. on my vacation this time:

1. All the restaurants I've been to happen to play awful '70s/'80s rock in the background. Foghat does not help my digestion, and Journey actively disrupts it.

2. I seem to have a bit of a vertigo problem at some of the Metro stations with steep escalators. By "a bit of a vertigo problem," I mean "y'all are lucky I didn't fall down in dizzy collapse, knocking over angry commuters and fellow tourists into a broken, bloody heap."

3. The National Museum of Natural History made me laugh several times.

I will show you some photos from NMNH. In the sad event that you never get there yourself, you can have my weird perspective. Go ahead.

Unusual flying animals. God, it would SUCK if you were just walking around minding your own business and a friggin' SNAKE flew right at you. Right? RIGHT??






Say it fast three times. HA HA, you swore!



The Hope Diamond. It was named after comedian Bob Hope. He pooped it out on a USO tour to Antarctica. It's true, don't look at me like that.



Carrots!



Green beans!



Squash!



Tuna sushi!



Frozen grape juice and Metro dirt!



Frozen lemonade or husky pee!



Salmon roe, frosting, and baker's chocolate!



The roadmap to Hell, including lakes and public parks.



Psychedelic tugboats.




Porn otter.



Stampy and Large Marge.




WTF.



Taxidermy can be quite humorous.







So there you go.

Aha! Maybe play this at the Dupont Circle Metro station!