BLOTTER 12

In the afterglow of  July 4^th, apple pie, Mom, and petty crimes everywhere, here’s the latest Police Blotter round-up! USA USA USA!

PANTS STILL ON THE GROUND

Disorderly: Patrick J. Schroeder, 25, of 664 Petunia Court, City of Oconomowoc, was cited for disorderly conduct June 27 after he dropped his pants while on the dance floor at Okauchee Days at Okauchee Lions Club Park on Wisconsin Avenue, the report said. The incident was reported at midnight.

MAYBE IT FLEW AWAY

Theft: Michael Clementi of Horicon reported at about 9:50 p.m. June 24 that his boat trailer was stolen from the Road T boat launch. The trailer is used to carry a 14-foot boat and has the words "Sea Bird" printed on it.

RAW-HANDED DIEHL

Theft: Police cited Susan Diehl, 31, of the City of Pewaukee for retail theft after she stole a bottle of hand lotion from Walmart, 411 Pewaukee Road, shortly after 2 p.m. June 3. According to the police report, Diehl fled the store, and her car was stopped by a Waukesha County Sheriff's Department deputy on Capitol Drive near Pewaukee Road.

CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY

Theft:  On June 15, police were called at 2 a.m. to an area of Silver Lake Street and Summit Avenue to meet with a road painting crew in regard to a theft. Officers met with an employee of Crowley Construction Corp. of Wauwatosa who explained that someone took one of the large arrow stencils used to paint directionals in the roadways. The stencil is approximately five-feet wide and six-feet tall. The company cuts its own stencils out of plastic. The theft was of the straight arrow stencil. Just after 4 a.m., police were called to the same location with the report of another stolen stencil. An employee observed a white paint trail from Summit Avenue north into the driveway at 304 Summit Ave. The trail led to an east-side door and porch area where it appeared the stencil was set down on the pavement. The employee said he saw a man and two women leaving and asked them for the stencils back, but they just laughed, got in a vehicle and left. There was no loss estimate reported and police are talking with tenants of the residence.

Graffiti: Police were called to the Rotary Pavilion at Roosevelt Field for damage that occurred between 10 p.m. on May 23 and 1:30 p.m. on May 24. According to the police report, unknown subjects spray painted what looked like a smile face on the west side of the building and the words "keep smiling" in black spray paint. No estimate of damage was provided.

Suspicious event:  A 9-year-old Kirkland boy was playing in his front yard when a suspect in a four-door tan Honda with two white male juveniles stopped and threw a balloon with a colorless and odorless liquid inside that hit the boy in the leg and exploded. The boy complained of a burning sensation from the liquid. The mother of the boy witnessed the incident and irrigated the site with water from a garden hose. The boy left prior to police arrival to attend a movie. No lasting effects were noted from the incident.

Suspicious Item: A resident told police that there was a possible syringe lying in a front yard near Grant St. and S. Broadway St. on May 29. Police responded and determined that the object was a actually a Sharpie ink pen.

MOW NO YOU DON”T

Suspicious Vehicle: An East Troy man reported a white van with a ladder on top was parked out front of North Street for five to ten minutes at 6:40 p.m. June 4.. Two white males were in the van and the driver was watching the complainant's son mow the lawn. The boy felt uncomfortable and went into the house and the van left. Dispatch stated there has been a history of a white van in the county watching children.

TEEN CHARM SCHOOL

Assault: An officer responded to a report of an assault at Parkplace. The 17 year old suspect was very familiar to the officer as he has arrested her before. Upon arrival the officer asked the girl to talk with him. He asked the suspect “What all the drama was with another girl?” for which he was told the suspect spit in her face. The suspect told the officer that the victim had made a comment about another girl’s alleged abortion and they began arguing. When the officer asked if she had spit in the other girl’s face she responded, “I spit near her and she moved her face into it.” Another officer arrived and informed the responding officer that a witness identified the girl as the assault suspect, and the 17-year-old was arrested for assault 4.

Drunk: The desk officer was asked by dispatch to translate a 911 call in Spanish.  The caller told the officer he was “locked up at the Berwyn Police Department” and gave his name.  The officer walked over to the booking department and found Roberto Cortez, 18, of Cicero, locked in cell #9, where he had been since his earlier arrest for allegedly drinking 7-8 bottles of Corona beer, then tossing the bottles into a resident’s back yard.  Cortez also had an active Cicero warrant for criminal sexual assault dating back to October 21, 2009.  The officer took the cell phone away from Cortez.

CELEBRITY WORSHIP CRIME

Burglary: An unknown person broke into a Dawn Court apartment June 25 through the front window of the residence. The individual allegedly removed the screen, crawled in through the window and took an Elvis Presley doll. Police have no suspects in the case.

Theft: A 29-year-old Lodi woman attempted to steal JLo perfume and Britney Spears perfume from Kmart, on N. Court St., on June 7. The woman attempted to place the bottles of perfume, as well as eight Hanes tank tops and The Pill Book, in her purse and then tried to walk out of the store. The items are valued at $84.21. Police arrested the woman and charged her with theft.

HOW I LOVE YOU, FLATHEAD VALLEY

6:25 p.m. A German Shepherd that was promenading through traffic on a busy Evergreen street had his parade cut short when officers returned him to his owners in one, unsquashed piece.

11:47 p.m. A 12-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl engaged in an epic sibling battle that required the counsel of deputies.

9:09 p.m. A suspicious white substance on Reserve Street alarmed Kalispell drivers. A thorough investigation determined the substance was kitty litter.

3:57 p.m. A railroad-crossing arm at West Glacier went down when a train passed through and then refused to move back into its upright position.

5:39 p.m. Hoping to engage vehicles on Stillwater Lane in a game of Frogger, four horses on Stillwater Lane continually crossed back and forth across the road. The drivers were not so amused.

6:24 p.m. A Lower Valley Road mailbox was stuffed with fireworks, causing the mail vessel to explode. As the suspect was thought to have driven a white pick up truck, authorities located one in the area. However, they found an elderly couple inside who did not display any pyrotechnic tendencies.

12:27 a.m. Deputies assisted some Whitefish Stage residents with lowering the volume of their music.

4:36 a.m. A vehicle was doing burnouts in Columbia Falls. The driver was so enthusiastic about the pursuit that he burned his clutch out and could not drive away when the authorities were notified. Deputies determined the man had been drinking.

11:12 p.m. Someone reported a dog was either “sleeping or dead” on East Reserve.

3:52 a.m. After engaging in a debate thick with profanity on Kalispell’s Nicholson Drive, the conversation partners departed.

2:36 p.m. A Whalebone Drive resident called after hearing someone walking about the attic. Deputies investigated but found only bats in the belfry.

9:12 a.m. A Columbia Falls resident tested out Ray Bradbury’s theory and discovered that books do indeed burn at 451 degrees.

1:39 a.m. An intoxicated woman took refuge behind a Columbia Falls bar as she was “afraid of the bears.” Deputies assisted her home.

8:33 p.m. A woman began yelling at her boyfriend and started hurling food around their South Cedar home. When she was finished, the woman left.

9:30 p.m. The above-mentioned woman returned and began throwing her boyfriend’s belongings around the house. Deputies gave the man a ride to another location.

11:41 a.m. Kalispell’s own sporadic nudist made an appearance at a local park. Deputies failed to locate him.

8:40 p.m. Unsurprisingly, loud music was heard on College Avenue.

6:07 a.m. When asked by a Martin City resident why they were driving around at such an early hour, two males replied that they were siphoning gas.

10:56 p.m. A family disturbance was reported on Peaceful Drive in Bigfork.

12:49 a.m. A car, with its lights turned off, repeatedly drove up and down Sleepy Hollow Road. Deputies cannot confirm if Ichabod Crane was in the neighborhood at the time.

6:41 p.m. A Kalispell resident called to report that an elderly woman had threatened to make his cats disappear.

2:15 p.m. An intoxicated adult male passed out in a Kalispell gas station bathroom. When authorities found him, he was clutching a beer.

7:40 a.m. A Columbia Falls woman reported that her neighbor hurled a dead chicken at her pigs.

5:44 p.m. In Columbia Falls, someone used an axe to destroy another person’s lawn mower.

3:58 p.m. A Kalispell woman reported that every glass pane in her French door had been busted. When authorities arrived, they found the French door in perfect condition.

5:53 p.m. A Whitefish resident arrived home to find a dead raccoon and fox on his doorstep. Deputies believe the chances of the two animals engaging in a life-ending struggle on a porch are minimal.

2:06 a.m. A woman in West Glacier called to report that she had locked her keys in her car, along with her baby. When deputies arrived, they discovered that her “baby” was actually a dog. Both the keys and the “baby” were rescued.

2:00 a.m. A pair of Canadians, who were drinking on top of a Whitefish bar, were advised to get off the roof.

7:15 p.m. After a man requested a smoking room at a Lakeside motel, the manager allegedly pulled out a pocketknife and said, “If you smoke in your room, I will cut your b---- off.”

…and my pick of the month…

AND, WHEN IT DID HISS, CALLER WAS AMISS, THIS CAT NOT PISS

Bad Smell: A caller told police that an odor of cat urine was emanating from a Norwegian Wood Drive home on May 26. Police responded, but did not find any obtrusive smell coming from the home.