THREE AWFUL TEEN FASHION PAGES FROM THE SEARS 1980 SPRING/SUMMER CATALOG

I'm never going to come to terms with the fact that I came of age in the two ugliest fashion decades in the history of Earth: the 1970s and 1980s. I feel bitter and cheated still that instead of sharp mod gear or classic sleek lines, I was offered up the design efforts of people who apparently GAVE UP ON LIFE COMPLETELY. How else can you explain the overwhelming sadness of the Sears 1980 catalog?

I mean, WHAT? What young teen girl would want to look like a 40-something middle-manager of the world's most boring Midwestern corporation??

Oh, god. I will have to confess now: I had both a Mork shirt and Mork rainbow suspenders. But I didn't have those PRISON OVERALLS. And I loathe clogs.

And just to make your head hurt, think about why and how young girls would get the choice of butt symbols of a sunset, a rollerskate, the Star Trek Enterprise, a Mork logo, or THE CONFEDERATE FLAG.

I'm going to go drink now.