Yes, I understand. People Like Lists. People Love Lists, actually, and also love Ranking Things In Order Of Importance To Make A List. I know this well. I also know that journalism has been slashed and burned to accomodate the fractured attention spans of the public, and this is why we see so many Brief Lists Of Ranked Things With Photos On A Slideshow So It Increases Page Views And Site Visit Length In An Underhanded Way To Increase Publication Ad Revenue. Rolling Stone, the venerable music/entertainment/political publication, has been particularly guilty of this (Huff Post is the worst, though, I think). While the magazine still employs some very fine writers who contribute important in-depth work, apparently that's paid for by putting up a never-ending List Parade of useless "Best" lists; a particularly silly concept when it comes to something so utterly subjective as music.
Yet, because I am so annoyed by this particular list, the Rolling Stone readers who voted in this Top Ten, and that I have been trolled bad enough to have to give an OPINION against a LIST, which is embarrassing, I'm just briefly going to make some comments, like if I worked at Rolling Stone and someone handed me these reader poll results, and I could say whatever I wanted about it...LIKE HOW IT USED TO BE. Hmph.
ROLLING STONE READERS' POLL 2013: THE BEST PUNK ROCK BANDS OF ALL TIME
In ascending order...
10. Bad Brains: I dunno. Seemed to jump on (and off) the punk bandwagon more than build it from scratch.
9. Social Distortion: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Radio friendly.
8. The Misfits: Any band featuring Glenn Danzig is pure comedy to me. Poseur.
7. Black Flag: I like Black Flag, but Henry Rollins will be the first to tell you the Stooges were the REAL real deal.
6. Iggy and the Stooges: 100% correct, although I think most of Rolling Stone's readers just thought about the "Lust For Life" iPod commercial. These guys MADE punk because that's who they were and that's all they COULD do. I hope Iggy dies a natural death at age 120 onstage...shirtless, of course.
5. The Dead Kennedys: Too troll-y to be as nicely organically weird as the Stooges. Really more a political organization with built-to-shock lyrics. Pretty funny, though.
4. The Sex Pistols: Guess what? NO. I don't care that they swore on TV or cut themselves or didn't make nice with the queen or one of them killed his girlfriend and then OD'd. The Sex Pistols were as manufactured a band as the Monkees, only with far worse teeth. "Never Mind the Bollocks" is a very enjoyable album, but when I listen to it now, it sounds rather...slick.
3. The Ramones: Well, it's 2013 now and everyone loves the Ramones. I am positive they make far more money now as mostly-dead guys than they ever did when alive. They just didn't align with the public's goodwill until it was too late. Punk? Yesss...but they also had a sweetness to them that took a little of the badass/weirdo edge off.
2. The Clash: Again, I don't really think of the Clash as punk as much as a political pop band. It always bugged me that Joe Strummer didn't cop to his less-than-punky upbringing. Proudly owning whatever your circumstances were or are is punk; worrying about your legitimacy as a generational voice because you may have had a few bucks once is not.
1. Green Day: Jesus F. Christ. NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NEVER EVER NO. If you EVER voted Green Day as BEST PUNK BAND, just go buy your Ramones shirt at Wal-Mart and get drunk and get a real "edgy" tat on your 21st birthday, WHY DON'T YOU. Green Day has nothing at ALL to do with punk music. Billie Joe Armstrong is one of the most blatant song-stealers EVER, ripping off the work of the Kinks, the Clash, the Beatles, the Who, and countless others in the most uncool, obvious way, and his fake Brit accent on top of that makes me want to punch his granny. Readers, you SUCK to do this.
And if you don't like my comments on the list? Here's another list for you to enjoy:
10. F*ck
9. This
8. F*ck
7. Lists
6. F*ck
5. Opinions
4. But
3. Mostly
2. F*ck
1. GREEN DAY
© Copyright 2008- Marianne Spellman