Knowledge is everywhere, learning is all around us, information is ours to glean from the most humble of experiences, if only we pay attention to the details. Today, I am bringing you ten observations honed from my years of hanging out in women's bathrooms in rock clubs and bars all across the land. The only thing I know about the men's can in clubs is what I've been told by actual men who have used them, and they are always these two things: 1. Men are absolutely disgusting and pee and poop all over the floors and toilet seats and walls and mirrors, and; 2. some dude was "checking them out" at the urinal. As far as I know, no one has ever "checked me out" in a bathroom stall, but there's always that unknown "Chuck Berry factor," so, whatEVER.
Anyway, let's go! Not "go" go, of course...YOU HOLD IT IN, BUDDY.
1. The more makeup a woman is wearing, the more often she will come into the bathroom to reapply makeup.
2. The girls with the highest heels get the most drunk.
3. About 30-40% of women don't wash their hands. The percentage goes higher if they think no one else is in there, or the paper towel dispenser is empty.
4. At closing time, there will always be one drunk girl crying piteously in the bathroom over a romance gone south.
5. Yes, women talk about which band members are hot.
6. Do not jump the queue for the stalls, because hell hath no fury like a denied lady pee-er.
7. Girls in their teens and 20s will sometimes enter and use a stall at the same time. This is never seen in later years, unless the second girl is the first girl's child.
8. Yes, women will take cell phone calls or texts while sitting on a public toilet
9. Direct correlation: how drunk a girl is = how likely it is she will exit the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper stuck to her shoe or her skirt tucked into the waistband of her tights.
10. Women are pathologically terrified of emitting any bodily noises at all while using the stall, and will do almost anything to cover up said noises. However, if she is completely wasted by the end of the evening she will fart like a burly trucker who's had nothing to eat but Taco Bell for a week, and will giggle about it, too.
The More You Know!
© Copyright 2008- Marianne Spellman