It occurred to me today, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, that there aren't many songs written about bathrooms and things in bathrooms and things that go on in bathrooms. I find this very odd; I feel this area of life is underrepresented in musical expression and urge songwriters to consider composing a bidet ballad, a tub tune, a shower song, or anything related to this vital area of hygiene. Therefore, I am going to spotlight the efforts of a few bathroom-related songs off my iTunes archives from the pioneers of the genre. I would be extra-pleased if you might watch these videos in the privacy of your very own loo.
Let us begin with a bathroom classic from the Beatles, part of the sweet B-side suite of songs from Abbey Road.
The Beatles, "She Came In Through The Bathroom Window"
I have a complicated relationship with my bathroom mirror. In the early morning, it is a cruel reminder that during sleep, I am apparently run over multiple times by a fleet of tractor-trailers. But later on, after coffee, a shower, and the application of lady spackel, the mirror reflects at least something fairly palatable. Funny how that works.
The English Beat, "Mirror In The Bathroom"
This video featuring a very clumsy infomercial spokeswoman has nothing to do with bathrooms, and you shouldn't watch it if you are squeamish-ish. However, we must applaud Pissed Jeans for writing a song with "bathroom" in the title. This is new on Sub Pop Records, you fans of punk metal.
Pissed Jeans, "Bathroom Laughter"
This is one of my favorite songs from Robyn Hitchcock and the Soft Boys, because it's so subversive -- it starts out as a mid-'70s standard rock anthem chugger and then starts talking about toilets. I am betting a fair amount of cash that it was written solely for the idea of getting a bunch of fans to fire up their concert lighters, fist-pump the air, while shouting "Rock n' roll...rock n' roll...rock n' roll...ROCK N' ROLL TOILET!"
The Soft Boys, "Rock n' Roll Toilet"
HAHAHAH! OK, so this is a marginal inclusion for the theme, I DON'T CARE! "Bird Bath" is a smokin' surf rocker that rips off the Trashmen's own hit "Surfin' Bird," and is so wonderfully stupid it made me laugh aloud.
The Trashmen, "Bird Bath"
Johnny Cash should have been President of the World! Now we're talkin'!
Johnny Cash, "Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart"
You might be able to call British actress Joan Sims the "Godmother of 'Go'" for this 1963 novelty song complaining that her grandmother is totes hogging the can, man. It's...sprightly.
Joan Sims, "Hurry Up Gran"
Tell it to the people, Brother Hawkins!! Screamin' Jay for Vice-President of the World!!
Screamin' Jay Hawkins, "Constipation Blues"
Forgive me.
Jingle Smells
And to END with, this very genuine, very peculiar track from a 1969 "concept album" from the American Standard Company -- you know, the people who make toilets -- given away to customers and employees. My only other comment here is that I believe, in 1969, everyone in the world was high.
American Standard, "My Bathroom Is A Private Kind Of Place"
© Copyright 2008- Marianne Spellman