SEVENTEEN WEIRD RECORD COVERS FROM THE VALUE VILLAGE THRIFT STORE IN WOODINVILLE, WASHINGTON!

Woo hoo! I was super-excited to go to a brand-new Value Village thrift store here on the Eastside of Seattle tonight, and as always, went on the hunt for bizarre old album covers to share with you. PAY DIRT! Please to enjoy!

I...I just don't understand what Mr. Taylor is trying to say here. Is this anti-religion or pro-religion? Why is he bursting through the castle/church doors? Is he trying to stop a marriage? Is he late to the altar himself? Is he trying to apologize for wearing an ugly-ass tie and Chucks inside a house of worship? And what does this have to do with clones? I'm never going to be able to know, because I am never going to play this record.

You know what the Jimmy Swaggart Christmas Spirit is, right? PRAISE GOD AND JESUS FOR HOOKERS!

Seriously, if you heard your otherwise-quiet neighbor playing this loudly, over and over, wouldn't you be scared out of your MIND??

I Am Willing, Lord, to don a lavender suit.

When I say Jesus... you say, "HOOKERS!"

You know why the Speer Family is down home? BECAUSE THEIR LAPELS ARE TOO LARGE AND HEAVY FOR THEM TO BE ABLE TO MOVE AT ALL.

Only Jesus...AND HOOKERS!!

I am sure sincere Christian spirituality is well-represented in this album by tv-crap-purveyors Ronco. BONUS! POP-UP MANGER!!!

You know and I know that his mother and grandmother and aunties all called him "Handsome Ransom," and that he also probably got his lunch money stolen every single day at school.

Oh, Gary. 

 If the neighbor who was playing the Carousel Music album above also played this one, I'd call the cops for sure. Nothing good could be going on in that house. Nope. No sirree.

"Xochimilco" means "chick magnet" in Spanish.

 This image is creepy enough to be on the next Thee Oh Sees' album cover.

The only thing I can think of here is that her house probably smells like patchouli and cat pee.

How many family Christmas Eve celebrations ended up in Wisconsin. Eggnog kills, kiddies.

True story: the most unintelligible person I have ever encountered in my life was a profoundly drunk Scotsman. I knew he was speaking English to me, but...no. Not a word. What.

And finally, I want you to take some time now to reflect on the fact that your name isn't anywhere even CLOSE to being as awesome as "E. POWER BIGGS."