MORE '60S & '70S EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN RECORD COVERS FROM THE THRIFT STORE!

It is a very interesting sociological study, I think. No matter what thrift store I go to, and no matter where it is in America, when I get to the record album section, I will nearly 100% of the time find ALL of these:

1. Barbra Streisand;

2. Henry Mancini;

3. Herb Alpert;

4. Engelbert Humperdinck;

5. and a veritable slew of old Evangelical Christian recordings.

What can we learn from this? The younger generations don't particularly enjoy schmaltz or being preached at in song, I guess. Anyway, I came up with a boatload of the latter for you, made even more divine from the awesome hair and clothing our Jesus jammers rocked! Please to enjoy!

"Kiss my pinky ring and wipe your brow with my groovin' paisley tie, and be healed!"

Meet The Mack Daddy Brothers, I say! Hubba hubba, you slick-suited Godbros!

Oh please please please let this be only the sounds of real doves.

No, Ronnie dear, that's a piano, a pi-a-no.

The White Brothers are my new favorite duo. Look at them here, all piously hallucinating a giant question mark Jesus bubble, ready to propose to it, when...all of a sudden, one of 'em is stackin' up three sweet Fender amps and shredding on a Les Paul, while the other is making like Jerry Lee! Rock on, White Guys!

The outcome to a "double portion" is...

...that you get so porky you have to actually ask THE LORD HIMSELF to lift you up! Even Gene Martin is appalled.

The hair! The fashions! I will bet you one million dollars that the kid in the middle is thinking about weed.

I am endlessly intrigued by the bold sartorial choices made by the devout. We should all feel some inspiration from Doug's carefully crafted 'do and Christmas color theme.

Imagine being a little kid and your grandma gives you this for your birthday or something. First, you have to reconcile that there is a tiger in a purple tree licking a lollipop. Then you have to think about
"When Jesus Rode In The Purple Puzzle Parade," something you are pretty sure never happened. Then you get to be freaked out completely by the songs "When Jesus' Friends Betrayed Him," and "The Deep Dark Day That Jesus Died." You couldn't really blame yourself for screaming bloody murder every time thereafter whenever Grandma came over, right?

Jesus Is Coming Soon...for our bitchen belted suits!

I'm just imagining Gene singing at someone thinking, "GET HAPPY ALREADY, LEMONFACE!"

CAN YOU HANDLE THE WILD, UNHINGED EVANGELISTIC PARTY??? NO!!!

Perhaps the cross did make the difference in forming Vern's sideburns in the shape of the state of Florida.

Brown Leisure Suits Unlimited!!

If Jesus were coming soon, should you be dressed like you are going to see the Beatles in 1964? Just asking.

OH BOY. Do you know about "Little Marcy?" NOW YOU DO. I am sorry about the nightmares you will now have, I truly am.

Little Marcy, "Down In My Heart"

The Dimensions Of Faith (and Charity) are looking SMOKIN' HOT, says Bill Gates there.

"Kenny, I want to sing MY songs this time! Me, Lois Irwin! Singing the songs of Lois Irwin!" Extra nice is "High-Fi."

The Shook Parker Gospel Singers are perhaps representing the bipolar Christian, for Side One features "I Want To Cry," and Side Two, "O, Happy Me."

Is it me, or do the Premieres look more like tommy-gun-wielding Mafiosos than gospel singers?

Susie looks completely bummed to be "and Susie." Perhaps she will go live for, I dunno, Herb Alpert.

BITCHES! I HAVE RETURNED, TO READ THIS BOOK IN A LEISURE SUIT BY A RIVER! WORD!

I wish this weren't a Christian album and this was just the family talking about regular crap and what was going on in Marysville.

Dimension of Faith (and Charity) just keeping HOTTER and PLAID-IER! Bill Gates there is "ready to get to business," uh huh huh huh huh.

The funniest thing about this is the angle that I shot it makes them all look height-challenged.

AAHH! It's the Murk Family again!! I don't think they are patriotic ENOUGH, do you?

And finally...

EXCITED!

Also, I am pronouncing their name as The Go-Spel-Sons.