NINE WEIRD KNICK-KNACKS FROM THE VALUE VILLAGE THRIFT STORE IN WOODINVILLE, WA.!

In the midst of the annual holiday craptacular, I took a stress break and spent a few minutes over at the thrift store, in search of something to amuse and, thereby, soothe me. Laughter is the best medicine, so HO HO HO DAMMIT! Please to enjoy!

HOLY CRAP! AAH! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

"Things happen for a reason..." like a cheap-ass bud vase with a cheaper-ass platitude ending up on a thrift store shelf with a ceramic Buddha chuckling away behind it.

Oh, man. Have you ever seen anything more pathetic in all your life than the giant "I LOVE YOU" bear abandoned on the Army-green sofa? If Red Sovine were still alive, he would write a song about it.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE, LITTLE GIRL?

STOP...eating so many doughnuts, Copper.

OK. A bull. In a dress. Inside half an egg. OK.

Look! It's Drunko the Alcoholic Bulldog!

Hear No, See No, and Speak No Evil Owls are WAY scarier than whatever evil they are avoiding.

And finally...TRENT REZNOR! PAGING TRENT REZNOR IN WOOD DECOR!