HEY, GUYS! GUYS! There's a brand-new Goodwill only a couple of miles from my house! Do you think the staff there will get to know the oddball mom with the goofy hair who pulls out her iPhone to take photos of weird dusty crap??? OH, I THINK SO! Let's continue with my rapidly-accelerating ascent into elder-quirkiness with these discarded albums and home decor items, shall we?
Here's the real beauty of this item: if I walked into a bathroom with this horror staring back at me, there would be no problem with me not hanging up the towel, for I would back out slowly and never use the bathroom nor the towel in the first place.
OTTO! THAT GUY IS CRAZY! JUST LOOK AT HIM!
OMG! HOW CRAZY CAN OTTO BE??? THIS CRAZY! HOO EEE WATCH OUT FOR MIRTH AND NUTTINESS RIGHT HERE!
In contrast, here is mild-mannered Phil Driscoll, who is so shy that he only gives you a touch of trumpet from behind his gate.
Both the burro and the festive bald eagle are having none of this.
Speaking of having none of it, this bird couple is giving us a textbook example of "seething silently" and "What? What? What did I do?"
This bunny is way, way past seething into full-blown anger psychosis.
Oh, OK, The Young Canadians, just FORGET all about ALBERTA! TRAITORS!
For all those who believe in Heaven, this is an actual picture of what's going on up there right now: two mellow folksingers playing "You've Got A Friend" on a big white cloud for eternity with their dog, Ol' Coma. You might want to revisit your belief system, just sayin'.
Just look at it. How about that. Hmm.
The Top Hit Club of America (INC.) only has
one hit, but she sure likes it.
I have so many questions? Why is Jeanne holding a photograph on her ultra-femme bed? Is it her beloved? Is that a ballgown or a nightgown? Don't satin sheets get really sweaty? Where can I get that pink frosted lipstick?
After you spend your entire career singing "Tiny Bubbles" for drunk white tourists who consider you a "novelty ethnic," at some point you just give up and drink with them.
Steven T.! What is so damn confidential? Why is it exclusive to the West Coast? What's in your pocket? What does the "T" stand for? Are you the guy in Jeanne Pruett's picture? Is your jacket leather or pleather?
There's no wondering about Mr. McBride's aim here: he's HERE TO SING, even if the people with him are disturbed by the whole thing.
Along the gender-identity spectrum, we now include Transmanbird. Don't judge.
Foofy implores us with her eyes to GET THIS CRAP OFF MY LEGS. I AM A DOG AND DO NOT AT ALL NEED LEGWARMERS, DAMN YOU.
CANDLE FOLLIES!
Burn the kindly old man!
Burn the sweet lavender schnauzer!
BURN THE ADORABLE BABY SEALS! AIEEEEEEEEE!
From the presidential archives of Richard M. Nixon.
WHOA! THINGS ARE GETTING CRAZY, LIKE CRAZY OTTO CRAZY!
They are SINGIN' OUR MIND!!
WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED TO PHIL DRISCOLL?? He's come out from behind the gate and now he's BLOWIN' A NEW MIND!
All Norma Zimmer would like would be a whispering hope to be able to STOP HAVING TO SMILE ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Notorious gang leader Cliff Barrows ruthlessly controls his reprobates by forcing them to sing, LIKE IT OR NOT.
And finally...you can't unsee it. You just can't.
© Copyright 2008- Marianne Spellman